Jurassic World || Dark enough

I come to see that I f*cked up more than enough... All I do Is make everyone mad at me.. I don't see a change In me, I'm sure I'm secretly disappointing my dad.. Making his life worse.. I can't even make him proud of me...

     I tried to make him proud by being on the honor roll for the first time, but all he says is, "cool"... I don't think he cared... And CPS won't leave me alone.. Who knows how long I gotta deal with them..

     I can't trust anymore, and my teacher just say that what I do is stupid... And my step mom even called me that not long ago because I was upset for a math test.... I don't understand, all I am Is stupid to people...

     I'm not meant for here (this Isn't for attention)... Sorry for ranting, but nobody can be trusted in this world... I just hate it.. I have no place here (as y'all can tell)...

     Nobody even talks to me, I'm just over sensitive.. I make people mad/upset (like today) I just don't know how to do things right...

     And all I ever want in life.. Is for someone.. My own family... To love me... And all I want.. Is to not feel like a back up friend that is visible whenever they need me and then invisable once used... (How I see this)... I don't wanna be scared to say how I feel to my parents... Without them being over board... I don't wanna be scared that they'll take my phone away and then talk about my old cutting habit... I wanna be able to trust people.. To be happy

     I don't want everything to happen again... I just got nothing left... Words come to me when I'm like this...

"Your dad will kill himself if he lost another kid"

"Why can't your teachers call me to say how good you are" .. Sorry, I'll try better...

"Killing yourself won't get you to see Bryce"
(my dead brother)

And all this stuff.. They all think I'm lazy cause my only help is my one friend Fallen Wolfie...  And I'm always on my phone talking to people...

                             || FLASHBACK ||
(If you're wondering why I can't tell them stuff)

                                       Once...

They take my phone away... And call me out to myself(It makes me feel worse because I feel horrible) and don't even care bout how I feel... They left me with my thoughts and without anyone to talk to.. It was horrible.. And nothing can stop that feeling.. I was alone... And they left... How I was crying my heart away from the words that words spoken...

"Maybe I'll keep you home and abuse you, and not let you go to school so you can't tell anyone"..

     I was scared of if he meant it... My only escape was moms.. But that was out of the solution..

     She saw my face.. As I wanted to hide it.. She knew what was up... But not what was gonna happen...

  I'm afraid all that would happen again.. And after that I don't know why I am so sensitive about everything...


Thank you for listening to my story.. But rlly I am feeling like this again... I don't tell my parents anything anymore..

enough